please tell me if i should continue this book or not. tell me how i can fix it. The Prophecy of the Warrior By Chris Cromer and Logan Strain Noises and Discovery Gwen takes a deep breath inhaling the smells of the forest, feeling the dirt path under her feet. she is a magic user , working at the inn for a living at Lakeside, a village neighboring Typheen, a stronghold in the land of Trya . She is trying to relax from the hard weeks of work at the Inn For esurient reasons, she checks behind her back seeing a big tree she just passed, seeing if all of her belongings are with her at the moment. “Grandfather’s Sapphire Hilted Swordâ€, Gwen’s most prized possession because of the stories she heard when she was a kid about the magic it possessed, but Gwen never could access the so called power that it beheld. “Buckler. Checkâ€. Giving up the effort in trying to stay relaxed and not be so up tight she takes her shoulders down from there tense position. She looks disappointedly at the brown rags she was wearing underneath a ragged jacket. “Ahhhhh….agoo gooâ€! “What’s thatâ€, Gwen saying under breath, quickening her pace. The noise comes again but in louder and in a different order. Now at a steady jog, she pulls out her grandfather’s sword and has it at ready, with it coming again but even louder than the last two. “corente laos morate froyi morhanoâ€. This simple spell brings up a mental map showing anything that is living, breathing, or giving off heat. She first sees two squirrels in a tree. Then a lizard on the path she is walking on. Then she spots a baby in the grass. “But what in the name of Criffy is a baby doing unattended in a forest at sunsetâ€, Gwen said to herself in wonder. She went to the baby and says a simple spell that incinerates anything around the object without harming it. Coming up to the baby she picks it up. Almost dropping the baby in aw, she sees that the baby is wrapped in monk cloth with royal monk marking on the cloth. “but why is a monk baby down hear in Typheen, don’t they live Northington or somewhere up thereâ€. Gwen looks around seeing if there is any parent around to claim the baby. “Well I cant just leave you out here alone and I always wanted childâ€, Gwen said looking at the baby. Thinking good and long Gwen decides over a hard decision to keep the baby and raise it. “but this baby has to have a nameâ€. Looking up at the stars, and something clicks in her mind. “Telmarâ€, she whispered, Now louder, “Telamarâ€. The baby coed. “you like that well then it’s settled then your name shall be telmarâ€. But how do you even care for a monk baby, like what do monks eat at this age and when will he start crawling and walking, Gwen thought in her mind. “I think I have to go to the library, so I guess I’m going to have to drop you off at my moms house for a few hours when I doâ€. Walking out of the forest, trying not to alert any body, She went to her mother’s house. Coming to the house, she forgot about the wrappings. Taking them off in a quick manner, she finds a relief when the baby has regular cloths on underneath. Gwen knocks on the door followed by voices in the background of Gwen mother telling Tim, Gwen’s older brother, to answer the door and a few screams of Tim’s son, about the age of Telmar. Waiting a few seconds she see’s shadows at the bottom of the door, then the door creaked open with Tim standing there with a wide smile waiting for her to say something. “hiâ€, Gwen said. Hi , what are you dong here at sunset, I’m surprised your not doing paper workâ€, Tim replied “hey listen I need to go to the library, could you handle a extra baby for a few hoursâ€. “sur-“. Gwen hands Telmar to Tim looking just long enough to ensure that the baby was not to be dropped, running off to the library. “oh sisterâ€, Tim says to him self with a sigh, putting out his hand for farewell. Gwen now slowing down from her jog away from her mom’s house she heads for the out skirts of town, for the library. Coming to the building, she looks at the sun, just a centimeter away from disappearing into the horizon in till morning come. Walking in she looks at the front desk, but no one occupies it. She looks around corners, in book columns, but still no Liberian. Standing there in dismay, she blows a strand a hair out of her face then hears “needing assistance dearâ€. Turning around, the Liberian is standing behind her. “yes Mrs. Do you have any books on monksâ€, Gwen replied. “yes we do they would be in that cornerâ€, the Liberian says pointing at the right corner of the library. “Thank youâ€, gwen says with a smile then walks off to the corner. Coming up to, becoming in reading distance she sees the book she wants. The title is Monk Life. coming up to the book and takes it from the shelf and goes out side now dark to read in the silence. Now being her only light, the lamp over head had the perfect alumnus for this time. Opening Monk Life she sees a paper hanging out the end. Gr
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1 :
definately don't give up on it. never question other people whether or not you should continue your writing. any writing is beautiful and yours is unique and beautiful as is any other.
2 :
I didn't actually read much - I just scanned through it to check the grammar and spelling. From what I read, you need to sharpen up both your grammar and spelling. But don't give up! Everyone has their own way of writing! Good luck, and I hope you finish the book!
3 :
I didn't read this-- it wouldn't affect my opinion even if I did. Write it if you like it. Who cares what we think? This is your story; don't let strangers decide things like this for you. What if we convinced you to stop writing it, when this could have made you successful? Not likely, but who knows? Keep going. If you don't like it later on, start something new. Just don't leave such decisions in the hands of people you'll never know and most likely will never meet. Edit: As Lucie did, I quickly glanced through a couple of sentences and, without even reading the piece, it's quite apparent you need to work on spelling and punctuation. This is easily fixed with some editing, so it's not a major setback that should alter your own opinion.
4 :
I'll do my best to help you here, as a fellow fantasy author, but I have to be cruel to be kind and I am sorry for this. First of all: 'esurient'. I have no idea why you picked this word (a synonym for greed) for that sentence and it sticks out like a fire-truck in a parking lot full of smart cars. When you write fantasy, which this obviously is, you are already bombarding the reader with words, spells, characters that you invented. Have as much 'plain' English as possible in your storytelling to balance this. Plain doesn't mean boring. It means easy to follow. You don't want the reader to run to the dictionary every five minutes or they will think you are being too smart for your own good. There is way too much telling here. Too much exposition. Exposition is salt. Too much and you will sour your story. Too little and it will be bland and tasteless. Show the reader. Let us experience a little of the character at a time and get to know them slowly. Treat it like a first date. You switch from past tense to present tense. Please don't do this. Most stories are all past tense. There's lots of little errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling of words/incorrect use of words. There is not a lot of conflict between the characters and as a result, not much drama. I know you are smart and I know you can do this a lot better. If I was your teacher I would give you 4 out of ten for now and ask you to revise it. Make sure you go over it with a fine tooth comb and let us see a great second effort.
5 :
No. You should quite and never write again. You're response to the above will show how you really feel about writing, if you're serious or not, and whether or not you have a passion for it and confidence in what you write.
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