Mkay so my friend sends me so many poems and often times wants me to like critique them...now I'm kinda running out of things to say. Plus I've asked to stop cuz of this and laos cuz its really annoying but he took it rly hard and didn't talk to me for like a week after that! So I guess I've got no choice but to just critique these. :( They are so long and really kinda depressing but could you please at lease read the shortest one and tell me what you think?? Please help! :( 1. have you ever felt a pain. you've tried to erase? but you're feeling high you're feeling low. but it still remains. feels the time is near. have got to let it go. and open up my heart again. cause hate is all you show. and i just wanted to feel all the love. that you hold inside. never let it escape all the love that you hold inside. you keep pushing me away. with all the love that you hold inside. how long can i run? run from the past? it's the pain that takes to burn a whole. right trough my chest. to say that you love me. will make you feel weak. it's easier for you to hate. cause your love is like a breeze. and i just wanted to feel all the love. that you hold inside. 2. You're all just staring, angry faces, begging for a place to die. Or I could leave you where you stand, Up upon that hill that'll fall to the wayside. This hoax to live for, dictating regulation of thoughts. This hoax to live for, the very plague that kills us all. And in this scene, I play the protagonist, and as well I play the opposed. Or I could leave you where you stand. All alone in the hall, your trap for the meantime. And you call this home, no home I've ever known. This isn't war, but these are still battles And battles make it all die out. 3. A queen of snow, that calls to me from the black abyss. In the blackness of the hallway i walk to the miror. And i wait, and stare, and then she apers, stareing back at me from the miror. She speaks softly and with great meaning. My queen ses to me " I love you my darling, you are my king, I came to you seeking what you so willingly give, and you came to me seeking what you long for." And as she begins to fade i hear her say " you know me well, I am your lover, your sister, your fanticy illutiond that so long eluted you, know that i love you and in the morning look to the sky and find the morgenstern and know that it is I." And then she faded and I was alone in the hallways blackness and sorrow. And so i walk to the window and wait for the morn. To once again see the dead souled queen that i love. Again, at least the shortest one and please be honest; We're pretty close so I can kinda break it to him easily lol. Thanks! :D
Poetry - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
they just made me terribly depressed
2 :
Sorry I didn't really like any of them. They're too weird and emo. Waaay too emo. I think he should use metaphors and crazy comparisons and a more exciting vocabulary. I want imagery. I also don't see a point in his poems. Cause poems are just stories that rhyme. He's just telling me about the dead queen chillin' at the black abyss. ... :E blah
3 :
1. Quite good but could do with a bit more work on it. I personally don't like the fact that it seems kind of "emo" or what ever you want to call it. Or have I just misread the poem? Anyway moving on. 2. I like this one quite a bit but maybe you could tell you friend to change a few of the words because they don't seem to fit right. None in particular something just doesn't sound right. But this one is still very good. 3. This one is better still! I don't much like the love references but besides that I like this one the most. Really sets a distinctive kind of mood. No need to "break it to him" just tell him you liked them but there is always room for improvement, and that with practise you will be the best! You could say to him that he could use more metaphors. I hope this helped you.
4 :
Hey , it seems emo .... but personnaly i love dark stufff ... I want to do a song with it !!!!
5 :
Your friend - has asked for YOUR opinion - on these poems - not total strangers'. Some of the responses - can be harsh. It is your decision - if you still want to tell him. If you do not want to critique - then stop รข™¥
6 :
Finicky Enthusiastic Passionate Zealous Obsessive Adoring Keen Passionate Stimulating Fastidious Fervent Wholehearted Heartfelt Magnificent Jam-packed of sentiments Congenial Heartwarming Obsequious Terms are fewer 2 communicate the infatuation uncovered in this poem. I away from uncertainty appreciate this poem by heart!!!! This poem gets 10/10 Anticipate this facilitates :-))
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