is this good for a beginner 11 year old author. please its alot f reading bear with. and if you have any advice please do. Noises and Discovery Gwen, the magic user and under cover protector of lakeside county, a village neighboring Typheen, is taking a stroll, trying to relax from the hard weeks of labor at the inn and the paper work she has to do after her shift for her guard work. For esurient reasons she checks behind her back and checks all of her belongs on her at the moment. “Grandfather’s sapphire hilted swordâ€, Gwen’s most prized possession because of the stories she heard when she was a kid about the magic it possessed and the things her grandfather did with the sword, but Gwen never could accesses the so called power that it beheld. “Check. Buckler. Checkâ€. Giving up the effort in trying to stay relaxed and not be so up tight. “Ahhhhh….agoo gooâ€! “What’s thatâ€, Gwen saying under breath, quickening her pace. The noise comes again but in louder and in a different order. Now at a steady jog, she pulls out her grandfather’s sword and has it at ready, coming again but even louder than the last two. “corente laos morate froyi morhanoâ€. This simple spell brings up a mental map showing anything that is living, breathing, or giving off heat. She first sees two squirrels in a tree. Then a lizard on the path she is walking on. Then she spots a baby in the grass. “But what in the name of Criffy is a baby doing unattended in a forest at sunsetâ€, Gwen said to her self in wonder. She went to the baby and says a simple spell that incinerates anything around the object without harming it. Coming up to the baby she picks it up. Almost dropping the baby in aw, she sees that the baby is wrapped in monk cloth with royal monk marking on the cloth. “but what in the name in Dwana is a monk baby doing down hear in Typheen, don’t they live Northington or somewhere up thereâ€. Gwen looks around seeing if there is any parent around to claim the baby. “Well I cant just leave you out here alone and I always wanted childâ€, Gwen said looking at the baby. Think good and long Gwen decides over a hard decision to keep the baby and raise it in the way of the lakeside people. “but this name has to have a nameâ€. Looking up at the stars, and something clicks in her mind. “Telmarâ€, she whispered, Now aloud, “Telamarâ€. The baby coed. “you like that well then it’s settled then your name shall be telmarâ€. But how do you even care for a monk baby, like what do monks eat at this age and when will he start crawling and walking, Gwen thought in her mind. “I think I have to go to the library, so I guess I’m going to have to drop you off at my moms house for a few hours when I doâ€, Walking out of the forest, trying not to alert any body. She went to her mother’s house. Coming to the house, she forgot about the wrappings. Taking them off in a quick manner, she finds a relief when the baby has regular cloths on underneath. Gwen knocks on the door followed by voices in the background of Gwen mother telling Tim, Gwen’s older brother, to answer the door and a few screams of Tim’s son, about the age of Telmar. Waiting a few seconds she see’s shadows at the bottom of the door, then the door creaked open with Tim standing there with a wide smile waiting for her to say something. “hiâ€, Gwen said. Hi , what are you dong here at sunset, I’m surprised your not doing paper workâ€, Tim replied “hey listen I need to go to the library, could you handle a extra baby for a few hoursâ€. “sur-“. Gwen hands Telmar to Tim looking just long enough to ensure that the baby was not to be dropped, running off to the library. “oh sisterâ€, Tim says to him self with a sigh, putting out his hand for farewell. Gwen now slowing down from her jog away from her mom’s house she heads for the out skirts of town, for the library. Coming to the building, she looks at the sun, just a centimeter away from disappearing into the horizon in till morning come. Walking in she looks at the front desk, but no one occupies it. She looks around corners, in book columns, but still no Liberian. Standing there in dismay, she blows a strand a hair out of her face then hears “needing assistance dearâ€. Turning around, the Liberian is standing behind her. “yes Mrs, Do you have any books on monksâ€, Gwen replied. “yes we do they would be in that cornerâ€, the Liberian says pointing at the right corner of the library. “Thank youâ€, Gwen says with a smile then walks off to the corner. Coming up to, becoming in reading distance she sees the book she wants. The title is Monk Life. coming up to the book and takes it from the shelf and goes out side now dark to read in the silence. Now being her only light, the lamp over head had the perfect alumnus for this time. Opening Monk Life she sees a paper hanging out the end. Grabbing it from the pages, carefully because of the age it looks. She reads the words. By the one raised by Mortals, trained By the one In the dragon l
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HEY CHRIS, sorry i didnt get to anser your q earlier, but i had to go out. The way you put your wording in present tense sounds awkward. Like instead of saying, it would be said or somethin. also, in one paragraph: “But what in the name of Criffy is a baby doing unattended in a forest at sunsetâ€, Gwen said to her self in ..........“but what in the name in Dwana is a monk baby doing down hear in Typheen, don’t they live Northington or somewhere up thereâ€. it says but what in teh name of Criffy then what in the name of Dwana, it just sounds wierd, so take one out KEEP WRITIN, I WILL READ FUTURE CHAPTERS IF YOU DO THERE IS A WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN POST YOUR STORIES, ITS CALLED www.booksie.com im going to get one, if my dad lets me, which he probably will, its really awsome, i read other peepols stories on it 4 now also read this one if you can? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aim_H_aIwS5rGG00uT6vcqXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091107174515AATuL7F
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